For a few months now I’ve been hitting a rough patch, finding it difficult to focus on either thing, but the one that was consuming me the most – my job. I had reached at point where getting up to go to work was a daily struggle, ending in bed once the time has come, with no recall of that day actually happening.
I abandoned my blog, as the energy, inspiration and desire to write turned into tiredness, boredom and lack of willingness. From two posts a week I reached one per week, to zero for over a month now. I couldn’t find it in me to keep on writing because my mind was busy with something else. Even thinking about sitting up on a chair, keeping my brain active and my fingers typing, was energy consuming all together.
My weeknights turned into successful sudoku marathons, or hours of replaying the events during the day, until I’d fell asleep on the couch, sometimes too early. I chose staying in bed over going out with friends. I lost my curiosity, my patience, my appetite, my smile… I was unhappy and energy drained.
I realized that feeling of insatisfaction, tiredness, moodiness, boredom was related to my job. A place I once loved and enjoyed spending time at, had now turned into an obligation forced on me, knowing I needed to keep a regular income to support myself. Every day I got up at the same hour, more tired than the day before, doing the same thing like a robot, until I got to the office.
Once there I could only think about the time the clock would hit 6 PM to run home, thinking that’s my free, safe place. Only it wasn’t; because I brought along the negative thoughts and the memories of the day. I had packed an emotional baggage and carried it with me everywhere. And the more I stuffed it, the harder it got to get rid of it.
Then, I understood that the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Someone once told me that, for every negative thought you have, you need 5 other positive thoughts to make that single negative one go away. What I needed was a shift in my attitude, if I wanted to make it out stable and happy. So I began to practice a positive thinking, looking at every negative feeling as an opportunity, a bright solution or a challenge. Instead of thinking “I need to get out of here.”, I reconsidered my phrasing into “I want to find a new place!”.
I started listening to hypnosis podcasts on happiness, inspiration, goal setting, positivity. I chose to do things that made me relax without being energy consuming (needed to keep that for the positive thinking efforts), such as reading, massage, spending weekends in summer gardens. I learned what was bothering me and I understood that I needed to change that, so I started looking for a new job.
I won’t tell you it was easy. On the contrary, it was a challenge. And my level of energy and “not in the mood” situations sabotaged me more than once. You might fool yourself, but you can’t fool others. When I took this decision I knew it was going to be difficult and that it wasn’t going to happen over night.
I armed myself with patience, ambition, motivation and positive thinking. I knew one thing for sure: I wasn’t going to close a door, until another one had opened. And so I waited, struggling to keep my head up, until, when I expected it the least, doors began to open up in front of me. That day, I finally set myself free, ready to take the plunge on a different challenge.
What I learnt from this experience, apart from how to act at an interview 🙂 , was that no matter the challenges you face or the problems you think you have, it is always up to you. And by that, I mean you need to take control of your life, be more focused on solutions rather than the problems. Look on the bright side and focus on what you have, not on what you lack. Think about the things you get to do, only because you wake up in the morning.
I learnt that attitude is the key, and a positive outlook is a door opener, for nearly everything you want. I learnt that in order to achieve your goals you need to stay on track and be consistent with your actions, never giving up in the process. In the same time, in order to stay on track with your action plan you need a goal, a destination that will keep you moving forward.
Keeping a positive attitude, when you’re rather a pessimistic person can be challenging. I, myself, still find it a struggle to keep my mind from wondering into the darkest thoughts. But, by being consistent in your thoughts and actions, and practicing that regularly, you will become Mr./ Mrs. Positive. Keep your thoughts bright!
Read part one of this sequel here.