Don’t Screw Me Time!

Advice to My Child Self


As another year comes to an end, you become aware of this precious gift life offers from the moment we are born: Time. After you’ve spent nine months relaxing in the womb, no worries whatsoever, when you’re finally out, it’s like: “I did it! Now I can start living life!”. You’d really think you can fool Time, wouldn’t you? Though, you’re only fooling yourself. How else could you explain the gray hair, blurry view, shaky hands, ridgy face? That’s Time fulfilling your wish.DSCN3319

Time – this undefined mesmerizing concept, a paradox few would dare to decypher, a trap many fail to avoid. I mean, how many times, when you were kid, did you wish for adulthood? How many times did you stare your parents in the face saying: “You’ll see… when I become older”. Now you’re older. And what are they seeing? An adult child whose face has been stamped with worries, whose pockets have been replaced by bills, whose hands are raising other children, whose eyes reflect the past and foresee the future. What were you thinking?!

As children, forbidden from anything that was cool, we prayed for Time to fly by quick. It did not listen, though. Our funniest moments stretched with the weather and days seemed centuries; whereas now, they are shrinking like a sweater in hot water. It’s amazing how as adults we reconsider the past, reclaiming our childhood and reviving those carefree days… With no regret, Time visits us more often than not and archives our days faster than ever before. Now, when we are finally grown ups and ask Time to slowdown, by the moment it hears our wish, we’re already too old to fight back. Now he stops again, days go by, and we’re just sitting there, waiting for something meaningful to do…

Well, I’m not yet there. Still, if I had a chance to speak to the child in me, I’d tell her one thing: Enjoy your childhood as it is, because no matter what you do, you’ll only get one chance. Make the most of it now, because only now you are the master of your time. When you grow up, time will no longer belong to you, but to the queues at the store, to the traffic jam in the boulevard, to phone calls and urgent e-mails.

What would you say to your child self?

“In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!”
Woody Allen
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